hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
