Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
