my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
