We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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