Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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