Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When are your genitals available?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I need water and some morals
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
