This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
