dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
