My liver just broke up with me...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
