just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You left your phone here
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