So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
