Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
