The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
