Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
