i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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