i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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