she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
