I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
