So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
