i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize