Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
