Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Im part way to drunk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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