Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
