btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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