I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
as a side note pls kill me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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