so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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