So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
