your parents love me but you hate me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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