I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
