she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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