Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
