If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Houston, we have a squirter
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
