I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
