I wanna bring you to show and tell
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
