i already hear my dad disowning me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
