We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dignity is for republicans.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
