Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
