Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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