It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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