dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
