Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
