420 ftw
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
