I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
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I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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