I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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