Plan B is the new Plan A
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
