Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
