well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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