just come out here and I will go home with you...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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