where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
