I'm so fucking centered right now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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