So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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