Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm both gender and math confused
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
