omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
we should paint friendship bongs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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