My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
