Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
