Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
