You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
operation have a gay friend backfired
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
